Posts by lauren_ladere

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  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Willow's POV:
    The nurse smiles at me, handing me the newly cleaned and starch white clothes. She's got a nice smile, with tiny white teeth and full lips. Her blonde hair is pulled into a tight bun at the base of her neck, and she has the slight look of fear in her eyes. I smile, in my twisted little way. My finger tips tingle, but I clench my fists, not here, I refuse to let it get the best of me. I reach out quickly, with my un-clenched hand, and snatch the clothes.
    In this "little" hospital- sorry- mental ward, we're uniformed in white. Lace-less shoes, no sharp objects, nothing that can be turned to somehow harm ourselves.
    It could easily be compared to a goddamn jail house.

  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Willow:
    The nurse still hasn't left my room. Leave. I dont want you here. Is she waiting for an invitation or something? I murmur my thanks, then pull up the hem off my shirt a bit. She can see the brand, i can tell because she practically sprints down the room in the opposite direction, slamming the door behind her. it locks with a click. I change, then walk over to my sink and turn on the faucet, splash water on my face.
    our water is rationed, not enough to drown ourselves, but just enough to stay alive. I dont want to live, the tingling starts in my fingertips again. I bite my lip, its OK now i guess. No, stop it Willow, it's not. My fingernails are sharp, i refuse to let the staff touch my hands, if i wanted to, i could slit my wrists here and now. Or maybe i'll try to take too many meds again, run rampant through the courtyard like i did last week screaming. No, they monitor me much too closely. I want to see Shadow, gotta talk to her. She's much more calm then i am, thinks things through. I want to jump in. I jog to my door, padded white, look through the window right at the camera across the hall. "YOU CANT CONTROL ME." and i flip off the camera.
    [mergedate]1393121428[/mergedate]
    Adam:
    Mom tears up. "God I'm sorry baby. I know i fail as a mother."
    I look her right in the eye, pull out a cigarette, light it up, and say, "Damn straight you do." I pick up my bag and leave for something that hopefully is better than my drug obsessed mother.

  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Willow:
    The clock on the wall says its about noon. Maybe Shadow has left by now. God, i need to talk to her. I need her comfort right now, I'm so unreasonably agitated. Shadow, she's gorgeous, clever, and has attempted suicide 3 times. She's the only reason I've havent tried anything too crazy. I Jump up from my bed, and pull open the door, finally open. I laugh, it sounds broken, out of use. I pull all my dark brown hair over my right shoulder, it curls all the way down to my waist. The staff will try to make me cut it soon. I drag a finger down the white brick wall, "And i've been wrong- ive been down- ive been to the bottom of every bottom- its these words in my head, that'll never let me forget"I sing, off-key, skipping like a psychopath down the hall way. I see brown hair follow behind a girl in white. "Shadow!"I yell, running after her.


    Adam:
    The nurse looks me over, she about 20, and is pretty hot. i run a hand through my hair and bite my lip, "Yeah, i checked myself in here. I see things." i wave my hands dramatically infront of my face with wide eyes as my ciggy hangs out of my mouth. The nurse stares at me, her bright red lips forming a surprised "o". I nod, taking a long drag of my cigarette, "Yeah, it's pretty intense. last night i saw you, and me..." I trail off suggestively and wink. Then a fat security guard takes my cigarette, stubs it out, and says "The only thing you'll be seeing tonight is a white wall buddy." He drags me off as i look back and wink at the hot nurse. She blushes and giggles. 15 inutes later, im wearing white sweats, lace-less white shoes, and a tight white t-shirt. I hid my beanie under my pillow before Donut-Boy could take it. "Lunch is right now, you have 45 minutes. You usually have an hour. Have fun finding the cafeteria." He waddles away, wiping crumbs off his mustache. I flip him off as i follow behind him.

  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Willow:
    I'm famished. Shadow picks up an apple, but lately, starvation isnt an option. I grab a sandwich and some questionable looking chips, then scan my card. Melinda puffs out her cheeks and waves us away. Her rolls jiggle and i turn to say something to Shadow when I see her watching Ryder. Hes hot, but he never talks, kinda mysterious. i nudge Shadow and wiggle my eyebrows at her. Her pretty green eyes get all wide and she blushes a little. "What?! Oh god no! Nononono!" I wink, then with all the ridculous will power i have, sashay to the door wya, where the sun streams in form the courtyard. I can feel a few boys' eyes on me. Hey, you got it, you flaunt it. I can practically see Shadow behind me, trying not to laugh. We find an empty table outside and sit there. I tear at my sandwich as Shadow nibbles her apple. The sun feels good on my paper white skin. I smile, it's a good day today. I turn 18 in a few weeks and im feeling spontaneous. I drop my half-eaten sandwich and steal Shadow's apple, pulling her to her feet. "Let's dance" I grin wickedly, in my insane way. And she does too. I start to do this weird rain dance while Shadow does beautiful ballet moves. She's so pretty its unfair. and then, i spin right into some dude.
    Adam:
    As soon as i walk outside a girl with insanely long dark brown hair spins right into me. She jumps back, murmuring apologies, keeping topaz blue eyes lowered down to the ground and her cheeks turn red, mixing in with freckles over her nose. I smirk and look up to her friend, whose still dancing. Her white sweats are tighter to her hips, and her tshirt follows up her curves. She's got this nice brown color in her hair, some honey highlights form the sun. Her eyes are closed, but she's got crazy long eyelashes under her glasses. I cough as the girl with dark brown hair looks up and smiles at me, "I'm Willow, this is Shadow." I nod, "Adam. I'm new here." Shadow had stopped dancing and was staring at me as i pulled a ciggy and a lighter out or my pants. I light it up and wink at her. Willow stares at it, excited, then yanks it out of my hand, taking a grateful puff. She offers it to Shadow, who shakes her head. Willow shrugs, then hands the ciggy back to me. She blows smoke into my face and says, "I'd stub it if i were you." then she leaves with Shadow, to a different corner of the courtyard with their food. I can't stop staring after Shadow....

  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Willow-
    I laugh at her, "So the new guy huh?" She wrinkles her nose, "He's a bit cocky, you know?" i push my shoulder against hers as we walk. This makes me feel like a normal teen for a little while. Then someones taps my shoulder. I turn around, Shadow following suit. It's Ryder, "Willow is it?" I smile, "Yeah, it is." Shadow shuffles from one foot to the other. His hair is darker than mine, almost black, spiked a bit above his forehead with pretty dark eyes. He nods, almost as if he doesn't know what else to say. "Cool." said Ryder. I nod then turn and wave bye over my shoulder. Shadow and i sit in some shade when i tell her about the fingertips. She looks at my nails, still sharp, then shakes her head. "Willow, we made a deal. no more." I sigh, tearing up, "I know! It was just so sudden-" The siren goes off, time to head back to our rooms. Like clockwork we throw our garbage away and walk to our rooms. Right before Shadow and i part ways she grabs my shoulders, "I never want you to think about it again, ok? We can do this, the sooner we act "normal" the better." I smile, psychotic as usual, "You think they'd let a psychopath out of here?" i say as i skip backwards, Shadow watching me.
    Adam:
    I followed the two girls, i watched their exchange with that guy. I watched Shadow intensely. She looks like a challenge. As i plop onto my bed for a nap i think dreamily, I like a challenge...

  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Willow:
    I hear a door open a few doors down. I can't sleep, my fingertips have been tingling like crazy. My hands are shoved under my mattress, and I've been fighting the irreational urge to let my nails come close to my wrists, marred with scars. Why? I have Shadow, we promised not to do that, anything suicidal, though we've both attempted our fair share of times. I hear footsteps walk in the opposite direction, she's probably awake, doing something crazy, as usual.
    But you know what? I'm not here because of attempted suicides, shockingly. I'm here because I tried to murder my step-mother. You think I'm joking? She hit me, pulled out my hair, cursed me, told me that if my late mother could see me she'd be ashamed. She did so many things to me and then one day it just made me go over the edge. Sometimes I look back on that night, when I was probably 12 or 13 and I remember the look of horror on my dad's face, the shock of my step moms. My siblings didn't even get a chance to say good bye. You think I'm joking? It's why I'm here, they think I'm a psychopath, it was never reported to the cops, my dad just signed me in here and left. And if they want to say I'm a psychopath- I might as well play the part. I roll over and grin, trailing my sharp nail down the padded white walls, I have a quack appointment tomorrow, I should sleep, but then I think of my label: Psychopath, and I laugh hysterically, and I don't stop until morning.


    Adam:
    I hear laughing. Manical laughing. I roll over, throwing an arm over my eyes. I miss Teryn. My little sister I left behind, probably working street corners tonight. My mom wastes all the welfare and money Teryn and I made on drugs and vodka. I had to quit my jobs at the shop and the amphitheater as a bodyguard. Teryn just turned tricks, trying to get by. Were twins, both of us are 18, but she doesn't have the heart to leave Mom. I don't get why. Our mother smoked so much that I ended up following her example and smoking around the age of 11, I eventually got off the weed and just stuck with ciggies. But you see, I checked myself in here to escape my old life, start a new one. I told them I had severe hallucinations (side effects of a bad trip I had a few years back) and that's sort of true. I just want to start something new. I pull Teryns beanie out from under my pillow and hold it to my nose, it smells like her, vanilla and honey. I involuntarily tear up, god I miss her. I wish I didn't leave her, but she didn't want to come. I sit up and punch the wall, once, twice, enough to make my knuckles start to bleed all over the pads on the wall. I lay back down, holding my wounded hand, praying to someone that Teryn will be safe.

  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Adam:
    I look up, shoving Teryns beanie under my pillow again. Intense green eyes with long black lashes peer in. Her eyebrows are raised, practically asking me if I noticed her. I cock my head to the side and walk over to the door. "What? Couldn't wait to see me?" I wonk at her, leaning against the door but able to look through the window. She wrinkles her nose, pushing brown hair out of her eyes. I figured Shadow would come see me eventually. "Are you gonna let me in or not dickhead?" I smirk, "Maybe." She stands on her toes and stares me down. "Open up." I laugh mirthlessly, and bend down to tinker with the lock, a bobby pin and a sharp looking thing slide under the door. I smile- this chick has balls. I pick the lock and let her in. She plops on my bed, "So Adam- tell me why you're here." I cross my arms over my chest, watching her.
    I've never met a girl who looks so good in white, espically after Labor Day. So I smile in my cocky way and look her, "Why?" She half smiles, "I want to see if you worth my time Adam..."

  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Adam:
    "You know, the usual. Hallucinations, drooling, epic seizures. I just couldn't go without help." I wink. She still watches me. I suddenly feel the need to get everything off my chest. And everything pours out about my mom and her drug abuse, Teryn and her shitty life, and why I'm really here, to escape all that. When I'm finally done talking, I'm staring at my feet, she probably thinks I'm crazy. I look up at her, waiting for a response.

  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Adam:
    I'm surprised about how well she reacted. I'm even more surprised when she tells me her story. She touched my hand and I'm pretty sure I blushed. I'm taken aback that someone so seemingly perfect could be as screwed up as I was. "You seen the Breakfast Club? There's this quote I really like...'We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it. Thats all.' And I don't know- I feel like it relates to me a lot, you know? I never thought there was someone like me..." I look at her and give her a sad smile. She's as broken as I am, but I really really want to fix her.

  • {Private} Call the darkness

    Adam:
    She's staring at her arms. I run a hand through my hair, she's brave. I wish I was brave. I dont have the balls to try and commit. But i guess i did, unintentionally, because i smoke so damn much. Most smokers are practically committing suicide without knowing it. Lucky me. I plop on my bed beside her and smile, or attempt to, "You surprise me. Alot." And before she can react or say anything, Donut Boy throws the door open. He starts yelling at us, and i swear. I'm impressed he doesn't have a heart attack.